ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
