I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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