Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
