Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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