I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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