I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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