theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
