hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
