During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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