Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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