Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
