i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
