Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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