I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
