Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You're like the curious george of whores
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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