I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
