When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
