Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
