he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
