I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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