I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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