im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
