I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
