sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
