Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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