I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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