your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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