My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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