She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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