he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
