Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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