Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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