I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
