Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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