Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
