I look better un-naked...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
