Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
