Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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