Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
