hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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