You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
