This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
