my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
