my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
