she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
