I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
