i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
