i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
