Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
