I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
